Pavlov

So apparently I've classically conditioned myself much like Pavlov and his dogs. It wasn't something I did consciously but it happened none-the-less. The after effects from Cinco de Mayo were more far reaching that I originally surmised.

After Cinco de Mayo and my own lack of control I was obviously "on the wagon" while I recovered and refocused. I've had too many mornings after partying where I woke up feeling like death warmed over, put through a blender, breaded and then pan fried. It was not something I was proud of. I'm better than that or I was, but since moving to NY that quality along with a few others have changed. Not to say I never overindulged back in the Chi, just not as frequently as I have here. It was a major wake up call for me to get myself back to someone I wasn't ashamed of.

Like most, after a night of overindulgence the thought of drinking again turned my stomach. Now 2 weeks later I still get that same feeling when I think about drinking. The conditioning is not complete because I did have a few drinks last night, though I passed on the first shot which was the indicator to me that something was up. I had 2 beers, 1 shot and my friends might say 1 mixed drink, but I actually poured it down the sink in the bathroom. That really sucked cuz I payed $6 for it and couldn't drink it. For the rest of the night I drank water.

Not that this occurring is necessarily a bad thing, but I hope I can uncondition myself a little to at least be able to go out and enjoy myself once in awhile. I wanted to go back to who I was before losing control out here, but perhaps my system has gone to the extreme a little bit as my own new safeguard so I don't over do things. It was weird to have that feeling last night and unfortunate to have literally poured $6 down the drain, but there was no ignoring that "I never want to feel like this again" feeling. In fact, I feel a lil sick right now just blogging about it.