A letter I will never send #2

Remember when we talked about you coming home with me to meet my family for the 4th? Yeah I know it was just an idea, and now it's all moot since we are no longer together, but I still think about that little conversation. Being here and wondering how things would have been if we hadn't broken up and you had come with me. What would my parents have thought? I would have been very doting which I am normally but especially with meal times here and you not eating meat would have caused me to go into over drive to make sure you had stuff to eat and were comfortable. Maybe my parents would not have liked that but I wouldn't have cared. I would have wanted to take care of my baby and would have, regardless of what they thought.

I'd have taken you around to my old stomping grounds and shown you where I used to live and work. You might have meet a few of my friends and hung out with them. I wonder if they would have liked you? They don't now since they have heard the gist of the relationship or mostly the breakup which was not fun, and since they only know my side they see the hurt you've caused and they aren't fans. I don't even want to be a fan anymore. I see and hear from telling the story that you are not the "one" for me, and that really you are immature and selfish and just not good girlfriend material. I think it was all just an experiment for you and now you feel nothing about the whole experience. You lied when you said you loved me and that you cared. You were really just using me for a sexual experience. I hate you for that and wish with all my heart that you hadn't used and played with my feelings like that. I want no part of you anymore since I know that you don't want me in your life. You have Danielle now so close that even as a friend you'd never want to hang out or make the drive to see me. Any hopes I had that maybe someday we could hang out and do stuff are dwindling. She is there and you can do those things with her, so whatever delusion I had that I might have a place in your life are gone. I am trying everyday to just let go and forget you completely. I've tried to start a conversation and initiate being friends and you have ignored me at every turn. You could've at least told me if you needed more time or if you had changed your mind and decided you don't want me in your life at all. Instead you're a coward and say nothing, ignoring all my attempts. YOU were the one who wanted to be friends, remember? I said I'd never been friends with an ex and wasn't sure my heart could take it, but for some reason I said I'd try. I guess I cared about you that much, or maybe I was just fooling myself that maybe we'd get back together? I dunno about that, maybe I thought you'd try too, but that was ridiculous.  I do know I was and am a fool for continuing to try and reach out to you. Yes I want to but why? Because I wanna have sex? Cuz I do miss you and care and want to be a part of your life? Maybe, but if I'm the only one trying I'm wasting my time.

I'm sad that this trip has brought you into my mind and heart again. I need to figure out how to let go and truly forget you. I'm hoping that moving away will help but those prospects keep falling through and I need to have another plan, since you don't seem to want me in your life, I need to expunge you from mine. You aren't worth it, and maybe you never were and I had to have my heart broken to learn that lesson.